The Importance of Serving Others

By serving you will change the world....
that of the ones you serve & your children's

     Single parents are probably one group in our society that many would give a "get out of serving" free card to. But there are several reasons why we, as single parents, should skip on the free pass and jump in to help others.  

    Today, we hear many complaints about entitled or spoiled children. There is something uniquely different about the culture our children are growing up in compared to our generation. What is this difference? I don't have research backing this up, but the thought has occurred to me that as the American divorce rate has risen so has the epidemic of entitled children. 

     This relates in one of three ways. First scenario is mom gets custody, while dad gets weekends and vacations. Guess where the kids have more fun? Guess who feels guilty about not being with their kids more often? We've all heard the term "Disney Dad". While the kids may certainly enjoy the time & bonuses in this scenario, it's easy for them to feel that is how things should be. Second scenario is parents may have equal custody but the child has learned that everything is not equal and "to work the system". You may hear things like, "But I have an Ipad at Dad's house" or "Mom let me have a kitten."  The child(ren) work this well! Or the third scenario, maybe mom or dad is on their own with the kids and after a long week of school and work, the guilt sets in over lost quality time and a little indulgence is bought to show how much we love those little ones we barely saw that week.

     I find my self just shaking my head in my own little guilt trip once in  awhile. We went from being a family with a stay-at-home mom & homeschooling where I could spend all the time in the world with my kids to it being just me, working and school 40-50 hours a week...sure you can have that piece of candy I just want to see your little face light up today. My kids rock the check-out lane like a boss. Or the $5 movie bin, they know if they can agree on a single movie, it's coming home with us.  While these little goodies are not bad in and of themselves, it's the child's attitude in receiving & the parent's attitude in giving we need to examine.

We all know this adorable, selfish little girl from Willy Wonka.
No one wants their child to be the "Bad Egg"

     How does all this relate to serving?  I believe serving others, especially WITH our children is crucial in building the right attitude of giving & receiving. 

    Many of my single parent friends are the most generous with their time, money and other resources that I know. I believe the reason for this is because we know what it means to do without or be short-handed in some aspect, and strive to relieve that burden from others. But what can we do if we look at serving as a vital & intentional aspect of our parenting? Especially if you are combating one of the scenarios I mentioned?

     For adults and children, serving provides a visible reminder that no matter how bad they have it, they are gifted in a way someone else could benefit from. Each one of us has God-given talents that make us unique, using them to help others builds confidence and self-esteem.

     For children, it also teaches them the differences in "wants" and "needs". Wanting ice cream at the store is much different when they realize that some children need food for dinner. Or wanting that new pair of special jeans when they have 5-10 other pairs and knowing another child needs what they have so many of. Or in my world..."Jonah, put the candy back, do you realize there are some children who have never had a Reese cup, what can we use that $1 for instead?" 

   I know many of you may say, "What can I do with my kids? What does this look like in the everyday?"

There's so many things you can do! And some have great lessons that you can talk about with your kids that are unique to that opportunity. While I've done many things with my kids, I polled Facebook (because you know that's where all great research comes from) and compiled a list unique to the Northern Kentucky/Cincinnati area, though many have counterparts in other cities. Please use this as a jump off point, focus your efforts on organizations that are near you, or have special meaning to your family.  And go as big or little as you can manage, just get started! 

     My favorite means of doing for others is Operation Christmas Child. We have been participating in packing shoe boxes since 2008 when I was introduced to this ministry via our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. Over 100 million shoe boxes have been packed and sent to children who often don't have anything that belongs just to them. Paired with a Gospel tract & follow up ministry this is a very simple, yet life-impacting means to get your children involved in the life of another child. In our house, because of my tight budget (and lesson to be taught), our OCC shoe box items come out of our entire Christmas budget. My kids get less so another child can have something. The kids love picking out items for another child in their age range & seeing how much they can get stuffed in that box. We pray for the child that will get it, and if I'm organized enough we add a short pen pal type letter about our family. We occasionally get wonderful letters from one of the children who has received a box. Nothing beats that experience! Samaritan's Purse, the organization that runs OCC also helps with disaster relief & has a shoe box processing center in North Carolina that runs by volunteers. More information on all aspects are listed at the link above. 

    Another, Lifeline Ministries, serves the Northern Kentucky area. They provide help in many ways and accept food, clothing & furniture donations. And they have many ways you can help, either through donations or on site, so there are several things you can do with your children to help those in the community with less. I urge you to check their site for specific ways you & your children, depending on their ages can assist. This is often where our outgrown clothing & unused household items go. I would much rather know it is given to someone that needs it than for someone to be charged for at a thrift shop that makes a profit. 

    Hands Against Hunger is another outlet located in Cincinnati that is dedicated to serving the needs of those hurting. They gladly welcome families, groups, teams or individuals during Packing times. They make specially designed food packages that meet daily nutritional requirements that are sent to areas lacking resources to adequately feed themselves. Their site has a whole section of how you can volunteer & when their Packing events are scheduled. Our family did a packing event with my daughter's AHG group and had so much fun. 

Matthew 25 Ministries lists specific times & guidelines for children volunteers. Everyone works on sorting, counting & packaging donations to be sent to locations all over the world. 

Other suggestions from my official Facebook poll were: Rose Garden Mission in Covington, Ky., Master Provisions (both with service opportunities that children can take part in) as well as ideas for finding something yourself. These included: Nursing homes, where residents love visitors to talk with, do crafts, sing or a movie night. Shut-ins (elderly) or others in need could often use help with yard and/or various house work. Pastors & other church leaders could also use practical help while they are serving others, they often get overlooked.  Homeless shelters are always in need of supplies and other help, and unfortunately there are many to choose from. Fundraisers, like lemonade stands, candy bars, etc. are great ways your kids could work to raise money for any of the organizations listed.  

Members from our church including myself
& my two middle children.
We painted, sorted clothes, pull wire through walls,
 cleaned and helped build a playground. 

You may be more creative depending on your  circumstances, availability and interests of the kids. We've even used our vacation time & money in previous years to do a mission trip in Oneida, Ky where my kids could do little things alongside the adults. 


   Thank you to all my professional assistants on Facebook & friends at Single Parent Link

~Eryn

Single Parenting Shifts: Homeschooling & Public School

     In the midst of everything else that went on at the beginning of our "new life" we had to put a lot of consideration into what school would look like for our family.
     For seven years we had been homeschoolers. We started when my oldest, Leah, was finished with 4th grade at public school. Leah was gifted, and well above many in her class. We had argued for her to skip a grade from first to second, but was turned down. Her fourth grade teacher agreed with us that it would be in her best interest, but then we were left with the dilemma of moving her from fourth to sixth, which meant middle school in our district. Leah was definitely ready intellectually, but we decided that due to maturity (and safety) to look at other options. Our home school was created.
     Our oldest son, Jon, was born the same year, followed two years later by Trinity, and two years later by Jonah. My "little ones", although they aren't so little anymore, were completely oblivious to public school.
    We lived the home school life...natural waking times, co-ops, volunteer work, play dates with other families, 4-H, music lessons, home school gym, Boy Scouts, American Heritage Girls. We visited family when we wanted, we read at the park and yes, we had the infamous "field trip to the grocery store". The kids and I managed to learn, have fun, and have a great bond. It was messy, crazy, busy, social, always backed up on work, spontaneous, loving, frustrating and I wouldn't trade one second for anything...good or bad.

It was us. It was our life. 

Leah's last family field trip, Salt Festival
 Big Bone State Park Oct. 2011

I think that is the hardest part for those outside of home schooling looking in to see. It's not just how you do school. It's not public school at home. Yes, I know there are options to do public school at home, but often the parents who choose to home school are looking for an alternative way to school their kids in a way that is structured to their values, their children's learning style and/or ability or for a variety of other, often deeply personal reasons. Sometimes those reasons change as we go through the experience of homeschooling, but there is something that settles at the core of the family.

 It was tied to everything in everyday.  It was our life.

     So what happens to that life when there is a huge shift in another part of the core? Well, it's as simple as homeschooling continues or the kids enter public school. And that's where the simplicity ends. Actually, I think Simple took a running leap off a tall cliff into a deep, dark ravine, but I'm sure you know what I mean. First, the decision to home school in the first place is rarely a "simple" choice, although it is a choice that is increasingly on the rise in the U.S. There are outside of school factors that are considered such as: 

                Income of parents, will one stay home with the kids, or both work part-time? 
                Type of curriculum to be used, cost, time, outside review, testing. 
                Extra-curricular activities (why anyone thinks home schoolers are unsocialized is       beyond me, please don't hate) and so much more. 

And it is no different for the single parent.

There are many decisions to make, but it is doable. I've done it. Many people helped me pull it off, but Leah graduated from our home school. We completed a very difficult 2010-2011 school year and a slightly smoother 2011-12 school year. For us this decision had many factors. Primarily, Leah was a sophomore the year everything changed for us. I looked into enrolling her in public school for junior year. It was not feasible. She had more than enough credits to graduate, in accredited classes, but they weren't anything that resembled our school system. Leah would have been a round peg in a square hole. It was best for her to finish high school as we started. She interned at our church and doubled up on English to complete her requirements in one last year. 

    And then there were the "little ones". Jonah had begun preschool in January 2011 when I started to work full-time. He went to school with Ms. Ann on site where I cleaned. The other two went with their Ms. Ann, another homeschooling mom who worked with my kids as a reading tutor and took them along with her daughter to their co-op. We did additional work once we all got home.

Even though this looked very different from the outside it had a measure of familiarity to us that I may not be able to express clearly, it was still us, still our life with a twist. 

Leah was old enough to understand the changes and the reasons behind them. The little ones were not. They were 3, 5, and 7 at the time. I had to consider all they had been through. 

¨People use the word "stress" to describe a wide variety of situations - from your cell phone ringing while you're talking on another phone - to the feelings associated with intense work overload, or the death of a loved-one.

But perhaps the most useful and widely accepted definition of stress (mainly attributed to Richard S. Lazarus) is this: Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize." In less formal terms, we feel stressed when we feel that "things are out of control"."  The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale            

I'll mention a few other issues without detail: My parents lived with us, my mother suffered 11 strokes in 12 months. My husband was arrested 12/29/10. My mom's biggest stroke was 5/17/11, she passed away 12/30/11. I started working full time. We lost our home, resulting in a move. My father moved in with his brother so he was no longer in the same home. Relationships with my in-laws were unusual at best, strained on good days.  So if I was looking back to evaluate my health and the health of my children at the time it would look something like this chart. Notice that school options are selected. 

440! Here's what that means: 

     I love psychology, but I didn't need a scale or empirical research to tell me what I felt was best for me or the kids. Something had to give, or in our case, remain constant. 

We had to have a sense of control over the one thing in our lives that could still be controlled.  

     Upon Leah's graduation, one and half years had passed, my mom had passed. We were starting to get an idea of what this new life was going to look like. I finally felt like I was standing and not just crawling from day to day. I felt capable of making decision for more than a week out. One thing that had become clear is that my income needed to be at a level to support this new family and my current line of work wasn't for the long-term. I decided to return to school. Which led me to options for the kids. I knew that attending school full time, work full time & home schooling was not something I wanted to tackle and have everything suffer. 

     So we talked, I tested the waters and then enrolled the little ones in the elementary school as a Kindergartner, a second grader and a fourth grader. 

And this was us. This is our life.

     This was the first morning of the first day. They had no clue what was really coming! There's been happiness, success, set-backs (literally, Trinnie tested 2 weeks later and was transitioned to first grade), fear of the unknown, tears at night, begging to home school again, sleep overs with new friends, field trips- with and without mom, class pictures, amazing, amazing teachers & staff.
      There has been tons of paperwork, doctor appointments, book orders, lunch money, school dues, picture money, penny wars, field trip fees, homework, reading and just SO much to get used to! The bus comes at 8am!!! Every. Day. (If you are or have been a home schooler reading that, enough said!) 
     But they are thriving. I sincerely believe it's because it was in it's own time, not forced, not rushed, not just because I became a single parent.

 It is because we did what was right for us.

So for those of you who may run across this who know someone in a single parent/homeschooling situation, please take to heart that they are doing the best they know how, for them, their kids and everything they are dealing with, some of which may not be clearly apparent from the outside.

This was just my timeline, my outcome, which hinged on: 1. My daughter graduating, 2. Me returning to college.

 I realize this single parent/homeschooling combination isn't the largest segment of the single parenting OR homeschooling communities, but it isn't as uncommon as you may think. 

For those of you who read this and happen to be in this difficult conjunction of seemingly contrasting lives, have hope. It can be done, and if it's what is best for your kids I'm sure you will find a way to do it. 

Stress checklist available at http://www.mindtools.com/ 

Strange 3 weeks, but not the strangest

The weather continues to twist every plan I've made in the last couple weeks. We had snow day #12 on Friday, although the snow didn't start until flurries showed up around 3pm. I know parents all over the county are on the verge of being on the local news for something horrendous, but perfectly understandable to anyone with more than 2 children that have lived through this winter.
To top the school cancellation madness, 2 of my 3 have had on & off again stomach aches, (with & without vomiting) missing odd days, several Dr. trips on alternating days. Sigh....

Found this week on a pit stop after one of aforementioned Dr. visits with Trinity.  It reminded me of a Mentor Mom from our MOPS group, who would always say, "In our family we have a saying, 'It is what it is'. " And the advice behind it? Let go, and let God.

So far I am still on track (give or take a few days) with my Bible reading, the solidarity of the group has been a great focal point to guide us and see different thoughts on the verses we've read.  The bulk of the last week's reading has been in Mark. I was really struck by two thoughts so far. The first being a general notice of all the miracles, parables and travels that the disciples shared in the presence of Jesus and their general cluelessness of what was right in front of them. To the point that on occasion Jesus seems exasperated by their human perspective. Like when he walks on the water out to their boat and they freak out- even though he's already calmed a storm, performed great healings and fed 5000 out of 1 person's lunch. I think Jesus invented the forehead smack.
But would I have been any different? That's where it really leads my thoughts. Would I really have thought, Immanuel, God is with us? Would I have denied my Lord, like Peter? Betrayed him like Judas? Or anointed him when I had the chance, boldly and without care for what others thought like Mary of Bethany (actually named in John 12:2-3) Or still remain doubtful like Thomas, even after seeing. Would I still have the faith of things unseen if He was staring me in the face? I truly hope so. And it's comforting to know that we can take care of the "least of these" in his name.
The other stems from this thought that Jesus actually articulated in Mark 10:13-15, addressing the disciples concern of children being brought to him.

                  13 Some people were bringing little children to Him so He might touch them, 
but His disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw it, 
He was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me. 
Don’t stop them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 
15 I assure you: Whoever does not welcome the kingdom of God
 like a little child will never enter it.” 16 After taking them in His arms, 
He laid His hands on them and blessed them. (HCSB)

Is my faith the simple faith of a child? Do I still think of God with awe & wonder? And am I doing anything to my children to hinder their relationship with him? 

My sweet Trinity reading Habakkuk after covering a verse in Sunday School.
 (Her brothers would never do this.)
 But really, what 8 year old has the instinct to form context?

Lots of weighty thoughts with this reading, my friends. Ones that must be constantly turned over and reviewed and renewed. 

On less weighty issues... I attempted to take the kids to see the Lego movie last weekend with our AMC gift cards, but although we arrived early, they were sold out. I was not waiting 2 hours for the next showing so I gave the kids the option of seeing something else. They chose The Nut Job. Kids enjoyed it, I thought it was ok, certainly not at the top of my favorites. 

I am also one giant step closer to getting my kitchen changed out. A couple at church are in the midst of a remodel themselves & luckily their old counter tops are the exact set up I need with a trim here and there.  I am still looking for someone to help with cabinet installation since I feel that is one thing above the scope of my knowledge. Flooring still needs to be found, which is completely hinging on me filing my taxes (as is hiring installer if need be). But I am hoping God isn't finished with these details since everything else has come together so far. 

School is going smoothly, we've had our share of cancellations as well so we are not as far along as we should be. I had my first Criminal Justice test Thursday (46/50, which I thought was good since I didn't get to review the day of) and Criminal Behavior test coming on Tuesday, Counseling Psych test on Thursday. 

I've made exactly zero progress on: purging, movies, or anything else...think I have a valid excuse for my camping goal? I'm ready for summer! 

But....I've had an incredible 2 weeks with my All'asta business, All'asta by Eryn and I've been offered the opportunity to be a contributor to a single mom resource site!!!! So in addition to my rambling, first person, boring life I'll be writing some (hopefully) more insightful and worthy posts.  As a family we are looking at a major change very soon...more on that when it becomes definite. 

Few Days In

    I am absolutely loving the online group of women as we read through the Bible together. I've read ahead some and I'm up to Chapter 21 of Genesis. I'm afraid once school starts I'll slip behind so reading ahead, then taking time to review when I'm buried in school work might be helpful in the coming weeks.
    One thing in reading this week that caught my attention, was the detailed account of Noah's descendants, their languages, the nations & land that they covered. (ch. 10) And in Chapter 11 there is the account of the Tower of Babel where the nations were dispersed and languages separated. This had me seriously thinking about the order that this was written. I had to ask (the group & my pastor) and got very helpful responses.
For one the details in the history & genealogies in Chapter 10 help clarify history versus myth. And having them listed prior to the Tower of Babel is similar to "listing the presidents, then going back and talking about Kennedy" (thanks to Tricia), filling in the details after the overview.
Our online group also discussed the ages of those listed in the readings and Tricia also posted this helpful link that I found to be a neat visual. Patriarchs in Genesis, also gives an "overlap" of when everyone lived.

I haven't read much other than this the last couple days, have been trying to maintain a somewhat "clean" house with the kids still home. Almost ridiculous. The only productive thing I managed was washing all the antique Mason jars so I can start organizing the kitchen & bathrooms.  Looking forward to ordering next semester's books tomorrow and praying that the kids' school is on with the below 0 temps & questionable snow totals we're expecting. Tomorrow's book advance will also get some basic bills paid & my savings started.
                      We've had a good break of sleeping in, playing, and generally doing nothing.

Jon as Norwhal

For one of T-roo's teachers

Jojo prefers alternate play

Rainbow looms...constantly

Jon sleeping until 1pm. Schedule re-adjustment in our near future

Sitting on a block of ice after seeing Frozen at Newport on the Levee

T-roo with the guinea pigs that her & Jojo got on Christmas Eve.
Sophie & Butterscotch joined the family. 

New Year Thoughts

The other day I posted these thoughts on Facebook:
For 2014 I have a couple things on my mind- not so much "resolutions" but goals/bucket list type things to look forward to, not layer myself in guilt with. 
1. Read the Bible completely through (joined a fun group of ladies today)
2. 26 fun, non-school related books and keeping a list
3. Start a weekly savings- something even if it's not much
4. 8 OCC boxes compiled throughout year, depending on deals (doubling our normal 4 OCC boxes.
5. Get my kitchen changed out, after having all but the countertop in my garage for 6+ months
6. Find a small group that meets regularly
7. 5 great campings weekends (at least)
8. PURGE- self-explanatory It needs to be the YEAR of SIMPLIFYING
9. Organize garage (post purge) For some reason the garage is my happy place-if it's clean I'm good, second only to my bedroom.
10. Watch one movie a weekend that I somehow missed by living under a rock...think classic, cultural references. For example...I just watched Thelma & Louise last weekend.

And I'd like to really follow through with all this. So I thought I would create a little timeline of all this exceptional action...and of course I don't do anything without my little army tagging along.

Here's where I am starting with several of these items. 

1. I joined an online Facebook group started by the author, Tricia Goyer. The group will be going through A Woman's Guide to Reading the Bible in a Year, by Diane Stortz that I downloaded on my Nook for only $1.99.  In addition to the big group, we'll be in smaller accountability groups as well. I downloaded a copy of HCSB on the Nook as well, in addition to my print copies of HCSB & ESV that I use on a regular basis. I'd welcome any of my real life friends joining me too. 

2. I figure I read way more than 26 books a year, but wanted a reasonable "goal" that would be suitable with my course load. First up is A Quest for More, Living for Something Bigger than You by Paul David Tripp that I downloaded free thanks to a post by my pastor, Shawn Dobbins. I'll post a short review when I'm finished.

3. For the savings goal I've seen those "Save so much a week...", usually starting with a $1 the first week of the year and adding a $ to the amount each week. I found this one that does the same thing in reverse at stretchingabuckblog. Which I really liked...gets the hard part out of the way first and if I can follow through I'll have $1000 in June. 

And for #8 I stumbled across Kathi Lipp's post a few short minutes after mine. I'm going to purge, simplify and purge some more. I've said I'm ALL IN for 2014 items out of my house. You can check out more on Kathi's purge-fest here 2014 Things Challenge

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but a good start considering it's still technically 2013. 

I'll give more info on some of the other items soon, until then me & the army are going to go celebrate.